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Where Do We Start?

I have given careful thought to this opening blog.  We are dealing with a very emotional issue here.  First let me say this, I do not believe in political correctness, compromise, coexisting, complacency or any of the other responses which I view as a way to avoid truth.  The only thing that will bring about change, and lasting change, is truth.  Second to truth is responsibility in action.   

We, as advocates, believe that there should be reform to the juvenile justice laws, sentencing practices and incarceration policies.  We believe this, not only because it effects someone we know or love, but because it is the right thing to do.  Our current policies concerning juvenile justice treat these young people as throw aways.  Most people believe that these laws came into place because they were following the voice of the people.  I want to caution you in your belief that the legislators and the DA’s are acting on behalf of their constituents.  If you ask the ordinary person about criminal law, sentencing or prison conditions they are, for the most part, uneducated and dumbfounded when presented with the facts.  We are an apathetic nation in  our politics and law.  Most decisions concerning law are backed by a political agenda, not the will of the people.  I will give you two cases in point.  We, in Colorado, voted down the funding and support for the new CSPll Supermax prison.  It is being built anyway, backed by the sale of private gold bonds to fund the project.  Our House of Representatives and our Senate passed a measure (after much heated debate and testimony) to change our Direct Filing of Information Statute which would allow Defense Attorneys the ability to request a hearing, before a judge, to decide if a juvenile case should be tried in adult court or remanded back to juvenile court.  After passing the House and Senate our Governor vetoed the measure.  Our Governor is a former DA who helped to draft the original Direct File Statute.  I urge you to search for the TRUTH….and remember we are dealing with human lives….. kids lives. 

 Before you judge these young offenders, put yourself in their place.  Remember that you will not let your 16 year old get married, buy a car without your permission and assistance, join the service or drink alcohol.  Ask yourself if, given the same circumstance that was their life, would you have turned out any different?  Ask yourself if, when someone threatened your family or your life, would you be able to stand against the criminal acts they intended at 15 and 16?  Ask yourself how you would react when placed in shackles and threatened with your very life?  Ask yourself if you would be concerned about the victim and their family or whether or not that guard was going to throw you on the ground again?  Ask yourself if you would be more afraid of the courtroom, the judge or the cell mate that was extorting you for protection?  

 We have given a lot of press to victim’s rights organizations.  The TRUTH is that every person, that is involved in any way, with the sort of crimes that we are dealing with, is a victim.  The police officer, the investigators, the attorney’s, the D.A.’s, the judge, the families and the community.  They are forever changed and impacted by these crimes.  There is no way around that.  When someone dies during the commission of a crime, in a car accident or from natural causes, the family and friends gather around, mourn the loss and support the bereaved.  When someone dies “out of time” there is always anger and bitterness associated with the death and in the case of a criminal act resulting in death, they must recount the event over and over.  Every time that the case comes for an appellate hearing, before a parole board or a clemency board, the family of the victim is called upon again.  They are never allowed to heal.   

Victims.  I can only give my account, knowing that it reflects the accounts of other mothers and fathers of the accused.  When my son was first arrested, my family gathered around me.  When we went to his first hearing they were there.  My mother and father walked with me through the entire process.  My father could not imagine letting me go through all of it alone.  My mother and father were the only ones. My sister, and best friend until this time, eventually stopped calling.  My other sister called occasionally.  My other siblings never called.  Friends disappeared.  I would be invited to holiday gatherings, given the obligatory hug and greeting but no one would talk to me.  I was left alone to deal with 6000 pages of discovery, hundreds of pictures of the crime scene and a world I new nothing about.  I spent hours pouring over every detail, learning laws, speaking with attorneys, keeping the press at bay, watching our names be plastered every where.  Every time I wanted to give up, I would see my sons face, full of fear, as they took him away.  I lost my house, my financial stability, my family, my friends and…..my son.  There is nothing of my former life remaining.  My daughter lost her brother.  You see she is disabled and my son was her rock.  I have held her many times as she cried for her brother to come home.  The only people who visit my son regularly are his sister and I.  The TRUTH is 95% of incacerated individuals lose all contact with their families after 6 months.  When I go to visit my son, I see the same faces every weekend.  After 7 years, my sister and I are becoming friends, other siblings are still missing.  My parents, who stood by me for so long, don’t call, I have to call them.  I have been asked not to speak about what I do (advocacy) or my son, in social situations involving my family, they don’t want to deal with the questions.  My family and our relationships will never be the same.  The last time that I was allowed to visit my son face to face, he asked me why his family didn’t write or visit?  He wanted to know why they were so angry?  Why they wouldn’t at least give him the chance to say he was sorry for all the suffering?  I couldn’t answer.  We both cried. 

When I look at the destruction, and the stench rising from the decay reaches my nostrils, I am thrown to my knees crying Abba Father!  We, in our humanity, quickly look for cause and blame.  ‘These are “bad kids” who need to be put away and can never be useful.’  Is that what was thought of them on the day of their arrival and the world heard their first cry?  Are children born bad?  No, of course not.  How, then do we account for these actions?  Maybe that is why we are so punitive in our dealings with these young people.  If we took the blame from the kids, where would we put it?  What would we do with our anger and fear if we cannot place it on the kids?  These young people and their actions are a direct reflection of the society they have been raised in. Perhaps we have to look at ourselves.  We are responsible for creating the community and society that lends itself to this kind of behavior.  We are, after all, the grown ups here!  I believe the New York Times said it best.  “The question should not be ‘Why does this keep happening?’ but morever ‘How do we make it stop?”’

 As I minister to people and their broken relationships, broken marriages, disease and loss, I find a common thread.  Bitterness, Anger and Unforgiveness.  Every time without exception.  It is killing us and it is killing our children.  Where do we go from here?  To restoration, redemption and healing.  To responsibility, selflessness and compassion.  In order for that to happen, we have to turn off the TV, put down our personal agenda’s and reach out our hands.  Grab the hand of the kid next door, befriend the single mother, help the old man down the street and value family over all things.  We have to learn to forgive and try again when we fail.  We also have to stop giving lip service to the value of human life.  We have sent a mixed message to our children.  Murder is wrong but we condone abortion, brutality in war and the violence played out every day on our televisions.  We say every person is valuable but we turn our heads, giving tacit approval to the racism that is still alive in this country.  What have we become!?!  We need to become a people who believe in second chances.

This entry was posted on 20. June 2008 at 10:14 and is filed under From Families of Juvenile Offenders. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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One Response to “Where Do We Start?”

  1. Pamela Thrasher says:
    23. June 2008 at 23:02

    As I sit here and contemplate where to begin, all the painful events of February 1992 are flooding my mind. Unfortunately, that was not the end of the pain, only the beginning. I can truthfully say the trauma of February 1992 has been the most devastating event in not only my life but the life of my children. The torment associated with this nightmare does not compare to the tremendous loss I felt when my Father died and we were extremely close.

    So, what was this catastrophe that would apex all of life misery?

    In four words, ‘guilty of capital murder’! As I stood there stunned by the verdict, unable to walk, those words were reverberating in my mind. I could not believe that this could possibly be happening to my son and our family. We had already endured a year and a half of torment, not only from the media but the families of the victims. We had been smeared in the newspaper and all the TV/radio news. On every news cast the horror that occurred that nightmarish weekend would be recounted over and over. I would see my child’s picture day after day on the TV screen comparing him to Charles Manson and portraying him as a monster! I contributed the cruelty against my family and our pets, to the undeniable grief of the families but it continued for years. I can’t imagine the pain they were undergoing since their loss, but I was becoming resentful of the abuse my 10 year old son and I were forced to encounter almost daily.

    In my naivety, I believed that it would all be over when the verdict was read. After all, they can’t find someone guilty if they were not present at the scene of the crime. Yet, he was found guilty of the beating and drowning death of 2 boys (one being his best friend) while he was passed out from alcohol approximately 15 miles away. It only took the jury 90 minutes (including lunch break) to determine the fate and future of my son Christopher. The most uncomplicated decisions in our lives take longer than 90 minutes, yet they were able to determine the rest of his life in 30 minutes of actual deliberation.

    I honestly believe that I was in shock for approximately 9 months. I worked and went back to all that was normally expected. After all, I had a younger son to care for. Then one day I began crying and it would not end. Everything about our lives had changed. I had to move to escape the malice and had to quit my job. I became consumed or as my daughter told me “obsessed” with the injustice toward Christopher and it occupied my mind incessantly. I had only 1 friend and 1 family member remaining by our side. Everyone else had distanced themselves from us afraid they may reap the fallout of the harsh publicity. I felt so alone, crushed by a system that I had faith would see the truth and send my son home.

    To this day, I am the only one that visits Christopher. My Mom will be 90 years old in October and cannot make the 8 hour round trip to Atmore. I have been driving this 500 mile trek alone for 16 years, I am all he has to cling to. I am the solitary humankind in his life that provides him hope to persevere and keep him emotionally connected to the world outside prison. His belief in God is his strength and faith he will one day come home.

    At this juncture, 16 years later, only two aspects have changed. 1. We are both older; Christopher is no longer a child but a 33 year old man and I am becoming a senior citizen. 2. We are not alone! Of course, making the discovery of over 2,000 families thrust in the bowels of the same sinking ship is not a reason to rejoice. This fact simply emphasizes that our justice system is not only dysfunctional in Alabama but all over the United States. We have become a nation of spite and retaliation and have lost our sense of empathy to apathy.

    When the United States ceased to protect the children and launched an attack on youth in the early 90’s, we as a nation began destroying our actual future. We began making the statement that children are disposable and can’t be salvaged. If that statement were true my parents, as well as countless others, would have disposed of their rebellious teenagers; but they didn’t and we grew up to become responsible adults. I perceive at age 16 I was not cognizant of the repercussions of my instantaneous decisions. A friend would suggest we get involved in an activity and I would join in without a thought. Then later the consequences would be perfectly illustrated to me, by my parents, why I shouldn’t have participated! That is how the child mind develops and learns the penalty of life. These penalties and consequences are taught to us during our developmental years by our elders. We in turn learn by our mistakes and realize there are repercussions to our negative behavior.

    But, in society today, when children make mistakes the consequences are final. There is no margin for error and their life is abruptly ended. No one makes the effort to examine the cause and effect of why a child commits acts of violence? There have been women forgiven for acts of murder due to battered wife syndrome. Is a child more culpable than an adult when enduring years of abuse? Why does mercy stop with a child that has committed a crime? When determining the fate of a child, the answer is not simply black and white but large areas of gray should be incorporated into the dynamics of this decision.

    Just as victims need closure, we do, too! Our families are suffering also and need to know an end is in sight of the nightmare, we can never awaken, called “life without parole”.

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